How to Fit Your Sex Life into: Caregiving + Career + Have-To's

The old saying is, only kids-free couples get to have sex. It's true that once you combo childrens' (especially young kids) near-ever-presence with the demands of your career, housework, errands, extended family and friends, and other fun or have-to-do stuff, where is the time for sex and strengthening the romantic love and erotic connection that may have bore your children in the first place?

The first thing to do is decide to value and prioritize a pleasurable and orgasmic sex life. This has to fit higher on your list than it currently is because when done well, it's an oasis of positivity and as close to a human-made miracle we have. It's the highest expression of the sense of touch which does things to your mind and body nothing else can. It recharges you from stresses. It is the crown jewel in the makes-adult-life-worth-living treasury that so many of us live without.

Second, you have to make new boundaries for children, older and young. How exactly they are placed will depend on each family, but it comes down to making clear when they aren't to disturb you in your bed chamber. When that's not possible, the next step is set aside babysitter time so that on date night, the two of you must go to a hotel for a return to a bedroom without the threat of a bust-in or other interruption. I say, "must go" because people will go have dinner and then... talk about their kids and non-sexy things. Or they'll go to a movie like pre-sex-life teens or something.

Pro tip: Do not do too many things that regress you both to the pre-erotic stage of a relationship (before you were having sex) with someone you are technically having a romantic/erotic sexual relationship with. "Date Night" is a poor choice of words. How about, Oasis Night or Luv Night? You still may have time for dinner, but dinner shall not take up the lion's share of your Luv Night. You can even bring a picnic dinner (or lunch) with you to eat in your hotel room, or get room service. If applicable to you, BYOB, or go to a bar before you go to your room. Maximize your sex time, because you know now that parenthood plus mundane life make it harder than you ever imagined before kids to get rejuvenating sex done. I tell my kids-free friends and clients to be ready for that big difference.

Third, commit to get better at sex and love it to the point where it may as well be considered a hobby; like playing a musical instrument. The more time, love, and devotion you invest in anything, the better it will be. Sex life coaching makes that process move much faster. Also, it's okay to do "practice sex," as I call it, and/or "go-time sex" on your hotel night. See if you can carve space out in the morning because testosterone is highest then for both women and men. Kids often go downstairs for T.V. on weekends every morning. You can do one better and have their breakfast available in the fridge already so you can have some time for sex practice, a quickie, or erotic massage with a happy ending for her or him.

Again, good sex is definitely the most powerful anchor and power generator for a romantic relationship; not going to art galleries together when you could be in a room having amazing sex. You can do galleries with a friend. You don't have sex with your friends. You have one person to get sex from in the monogamous model, so focus like a laser on doing that right and making it happen.

Fourth: Parents must be ready to nab ANY docket of time they can. Free time comes and the normie part of your mind will want to go watch that stirring HBO series or air horn-blowing big game, but you mustn't. Ask yourself, is your sex tank on low? Listen to your sex life coach. If you've haven't sexed recently, go lay down in your hot, lush, sex oasis. Great sex is one of the few handful of things on the list that defines real living. Per my example above, the only people doing real living, their passion, are the actors on the screen and the players on the field. The audience just gets to watch. Most of us never realize this.

Ask yourself right now: why are you so interested in watching vs doing? You'll never know the thrill the actor feels doing a great scene, nor the feel of that game-ending score at the buzzer the same way the player feels it. However, everyone has some form of sex life, solo or partnered, that you can be the star in... and when you're good at it, it's always better and more fulfilling than a make-believe movie, better than another game with people running a ball up and down a court or field even when your fave team wins; because in sports, both teams can't be winners like people can be in sex. Entertainment, and sports watching are three of the biggest time sinks out there.

Fifth: Decide to develop your sex skills and shun neurotic fears of not getting it right the first time or other such phobias and egotisms that hold so many back. The gratitude and "wow" both you and a partner will experience after feeling what skillful sex play and heightened orgasms do to your bodies are lifechanging; make you feel that moment where you both agree, "Why haven't we been doing this before now?"

The gratitude for each other is another miracle within a miracle. It smooths out the bumps, dramatically increasing how much you value your partner, patience you have for each other's mistakes, your children's mistakes, and the rest of the world's less than pleasing behavior and actions. High-level sex is also a catalyst for prioritizing continued upkeep and improvement in other areas of a marriage or partnership (like going to the gym to stay not only more attractive, but also able to move well within intercourse).

Sixth: Don't let porn detract from your sex time or energy, nor define the heights of sexual pleasure. Let sex life coaching and your own erotic world do that. Coaching material will give you far better sex than I see in nearly any erotic vid because most often, the producers' goals are: get sexy people with amazing bodies, prioritize camera angles, do the basics, and sometimes wild spectacle; not the display of high-quality pleasure and orgasm. I'm still waiting for porn to catch up to the pinnacle of what I do in my sex life and teach my clients. It's time for the sex life you've led to self-actualize. Adjust your priorities and time allotments to care about having high-end sex like many will never see on video nor feel for themselves.