Can you imagine people handling their career and financials with the same level of sophistication and care that is most often applied to our sex lives? A man's traditional masculine ego will knowingly or unknowingly stand in the way of a woman and what her body needs for her best sex and orgasm-- to his detriment.
It comes from mental conditioning spread by cultural and social influences over a person’s lifetime. One consequence of never examining the weaknesses of this is living for years in a self-centered and/or an illusionary sex life. Beliefs like:
“My awesome penis is all a woman should need for her orgasm.”
“If she needs anything else but my penis, then it’s her problem, because all the other women needed was my penis!”
“If my dick isn’t in working order at any point for any reason, I can’t have sex.”
"When my dick is spent, I'm done and going to sleep." (P.S. I don't care about your orgasm.)
Too many intelligent, educated women out there feel like sex dolls with minimal pleasure in it for them. Gentlemen, you know what your business undergrad program (or the S.O.H.K) said: people are far less likely to agree to deals where there's nothing in it for them, particularly compared to what you get. There's a word for doing things that way: sacrifice. And as we know, sacrifice only works for charity work and parenting.
One case was a husband I worked with who went for decades fraught with laziness and avoidance about developing what it took for optimizing both his and his wife's sexual pleasure, which led to her readiness for divorce. Part of the problem with him not seeking out help before now was the societal grapevine’s its terrible messages that said the same kinds of things that I listed above.
Add to the grapevine the self-induced stress he had of outsourcing for sex skills info. Let me make this clear on that point: no one is going to know anything about how you went out to get quality sex skills. Jackass-filled, social media-driven, peanut galleries do not have a front row seat to what happens in the privacy of your own bedroom.
At one point, my client and I were discussing the male refractory period and its disadvantages. More specifically, the timing of a woman having her orgasm, one way or another, during vaginal intercourse. Seems straight-forward, but as she nears orgasm, and her sounds, actions, and expressions get hotter, it’s too erotic for him and he comes a bit too quickly; let’s say, 15 – 30 secs before her orgasm. His erection and sex interest drop with a rise in sleep urge.
Viewed from the keyhole perspective of the grapevine, that's sex. From her side of things, the loss of erection and the man stopping everything means she’s frustrated with getting close to an orgasm, but it all falls short–- time after time. It's a one-way trip to a life sentence in the doghouse, or divorce, because sex is good for him and a rip off for her.
Instead, I told him to change the focus of his male ego to:
1.) Not being "that guy...."
2.) The healthy ego trip of having the know-how to keep going and do his part for his wife's orgasm.
3.) Bask in her adoration of him and his pro-female orgasm sexual prowess; to say nothing of how hot it is to watch your wife coming while you're still pumping her. Men have been known to go on to round two that way.
That’s masculine ego directed in a mutually beneficial way. That’s ego that deserves its glory. Here's another free tip: ego gets easily focused on a script. Do what the script says and your ego cheerleads inside your head. So, give it a better script. If you choose one that denies you options and sets you up for disaster, then have no one to blame but yourself for having to masturbate in the doghouse for the rest of your relationship.
My client's ego really liked the new script I gave it. I wasn’t asking him to throw all masculine ego into the trash, just the crap that leads to problems and the afore-mentioned doghouse. Again, healthy dominant/male ego is sexy, but to an intelligent woman, only when its confidence is rooted in good core sex knowledge and skill sets that gives her as good a deal (or better) as he gets.
It makes those women want to have more sex, more often, with that man.
This is one of the best pieces of free life and sex advice I can give: your ego is not you. People think it is because it triggers so intrinsically with their thoughts, emotions, and events that involve them. Ego, masculine or feminine, is merely a crude, basic, mental construct that is mostly there to keep you from jumping too easily off a bridge.
Be your own man who makes his own decisions. Don't let your ego or the grapevine make them for you.
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