Erectile Dysfunction? Stressed About Sex With Women?


I say “sex with women” because many straight men often have a different set of perceived conditions they have to meet to be good in bed than gay men do. There are a lot of psychological reasons for erectile dysfunction.

The most important thing to be clear on is women are not the final word on whether the sex you had with them was good. Yes, it’s true that there are many sexually-ignorant/conservative (or worse) straight men who care only about themselves in bed. Right now I’m talking about the category of men who do care and are stressed by not being sure if their skills are worthy. You guys have a stake in how good and sophisticated she is too.

For example, if you start talking about doing or her doing clitoral stimulation during intercourse and she isn’t on the same page, don’t worry about it. Switch gears in your mind and heat it up some other way that’s hot for you both. Then make a mental note that she’s not as sophisticated as you want sex to be and decide later if you will further that sexual relationship. She can be a 10 face and body, but be too traditional for you and not interested in changing a thing. Do you want that long-term?

Another example along similar lines is you want to introduce using a toy in some way. If she balks and won’t reconsider, again, no need to get scared and think things like, “Oh no, I turned her off. I screwed it up. Now she thinks I’m bad, etc.” This is not an awkward moment for a sexually confident man; one that is confident not only because he is physically skilled, but has many possibilities to draw from and will move easily to the next thing without dwelling or making neurotic, anxiety-producing assumptions.

One big reason why a penis drops is anxiety. I help my male clients determine the source of each point of anxiety or any other negative emotion, then how to fix it by adopting a new perspective. Like Captain Jack said, “the problem isn’t the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” That said, having a list of rock-the-house sexual capabilities, physical, mental, and presentation-based, is your bedrock. It’s actually preferable if she gives you polite feedback on something you need to change that you’re doing to her. Don’t see that as a sign you’re doing bad. The more info about your partner you have, the easier it is to be awesome in bed.

Don’t forget, if you have sex with her in the future, she may be more interested then in trying new things. Be patient and value the fun you’re having with her too. Truth be told, too many women can only define sex as good when the man is so very into them and he’s decent at intercourse; not much to do with the full range of orgasm and pleasure their bodies are capable of. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying those first level facets of partner sex, but ladies, it’s just the beginning. So much is being missed out on if that’s all you can see.

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