Unlocking and Skilling Up New Achievements… In Bed


One of my thirtysomething clients compared my process of developing new sexual pleasure and orgasm capabilities to “unlocking and skilling up” achievements on a video game/app. The unlocking became another aspect of the fun with the sex life coaching that drove him on to getting excited for the next one and watch his capabilities grow.

I agreed and laughed with him. Before taking on my way of handling a sex life, his reality was locked into the belief that things either just happened for better or worse and that was it. He also believed in the destructive urban legend that you can’t help the sex you’re having. That it’s all based on how romantically interwoven and attracted you are to a partner. All head and heart stuff, in other words.

His therapist believed that myth too. That’s what’s really sad: a professional whose job it is to guide has been so influenced by the popular culture’s formulaic and ignorant script that even she was doing nothing more than “dishing out the norm,” per the words of my client.

What made my client decide to want more than the norm and work with me? He had the thought process that I always tell clients to be in when building and strengthening anything in life, but especially for one’s sex life: you must have an image in your mind of something incredible and beautiful. He imagined specific advanced sex scenarios that he wanted to do and found the cultural rules were never going to get him what he dreamed of.

He also imagined being with a woman who was very interested in sex with him not just because of his looks, money, or some kind of role she felt she was obliged to play in the script. He imagined women who valued  their “hot orgasms” and were through with the old script. They, like he, would have their sexual imaginings and he would be there as a like-minded man. Like my mentor Betty used to tell me, as is reiterated in just about every sex book on a shelf somewhere, too many women follow the script instead of having dreams of their amazing sex life; which then makes it even harder for him to find a like-minded woman.

One of the things I’ve coached him on is how to find a woman who thinks like he and I do. He did, and has begun to live his dream.He reiterated what I found when that part of my life began: like living in a reality superior to the one everyone else is still caught in.

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