A Sexy Article and an Interview with Eric Amaranth
Woke up this morning to find a surprise in my inbox. Elizabeth Palermo, a journalist for www.businessnewsdaily.com, emailed me letting me know she had included me in an article of some “sexy startups.”
Elizabeth mentions the Guided Sessions, but for those of you reading my website for the first time, I also do what I call Talk Sessions. The advantage of the Guided Sessions is client(s) receive immediate feedback to their questions and guidance in the moment while they engage in a sexform they’re interested in improving. Just like coaches and instructors do with golf, dance, football… whatever.
The Talk Sessions are good too. The only difference is clients have to save their questions that come up when they’re alone together to ask during the next session. Other than that, the info is the same. Most of my clients choose the Talk Sessions and move forward nicely with them. Below is some positive comments I received just recently (names changed):
“I have made a lot of progress in daily solo sex both in learning to control my muscles for pain-free vaginal penetration and better orgasms with the simultaneous g-spot and clitoral stimulation you taught me. I am so pleased I did a session with you. It has really opened up my sex life and that those of my partners.” –Sarah
“I have to say, your coaching works a bit TOO well… I’m pregnant!! Please assure my husband that we can have sex throughout most of my pregnancy and he will not hurt the baby… I’m going CRAZY because he stopped all the amazing sex!” –Karen
The first client came to me with interests in resolving painful intercourse and then making g-spot orgasms happen along with her clitoral climaxes. She chose a single Talk Session and is very impressed with the results so far.
The second client purchased a package of 8 Talk Sessions. She and her husband had issues with communication and making his enormous penis size be a pleasure, not a pain. Then, they wanted new sexual experiences and recipes for more and bigger orgasms for her. They’re not finished with all their sessions yet, but already they’re both transformed.
Karen’s attitude did a 180 from doubting if anything could be done about her and her husband’s problems to craving sex with his giant erection and the orgasms her body is capable of now after their coaching. Yes, sometimes super-big is too much when you don’t know how to handle it. To his credit, Karen’s husband was onboard to do exactly what was needed to make what they wanted happen. That’s important. The team connection between a couple makes dreams come true.
In other news, I was recently interviewed for another article. Below are some of my answers to the writer’s questions based on this article. You’ll see at the end of my blog how the topics to follow coincide with my decision to focus mostly on private sex life coaching because one-on-one always gives you the most success and gets you there faster because it’s tailored to you and all my focus is on you:
1. Does your professional experience working with women as a sex and relationship coach support what this study concluded?
The study’s conclusions mostly support what I experience, which is the more time you spend having sex with a person, the more likely you are to learn about what clicks for them. Being in a relationship has that as an advantage. It’s disadvantage is the loss of variety in your sexual partners. The human brain craves sexual variety and triggers feverish sex responses with new partners. People can “get used to” a partner the same way you like a favorite song, but not as much after the 50th time you’ve heard it. That’s why developing a broad menu of sexual abilities over time is necessary.
The “wide variety” in the setting of hookups is not always true. Most often, people find consistent avenues to orgasm(s) for her and him and they stick to those methods bc failing in the sack is phobic for many, so they stay with what works. Unless they have an understanding of practicing new skills and communicating toward that goal having decided to build their sexual repertoire together, people follow a trend of trying something once and if it doesn’t work, they abandon it.
That’s part of where my coaching comes in to show them how to open these doors. The conclusion of women using orgasm as a benchmark for “good in bed” is of course accurate with the exception that having hot drippy sex with a sexy man who is good at intercourse and has stamina is also considered satisfying because especially during ovulation, a woman’s body can hunger for quality intercourse, but not orgasm specifically. Their feeling is, “I need sex!” Not, “I want to come so bad!” However, both urges can be present in ovulating women who have an orgasmic sex life.
2. Regardless of yes or no to #1. Can you give any specific examples of a client(s) (without violating privacy) who really exemplified the reasons why you agree or disagree with the study’s conclusions?
67% is a good percentage, along with the other numbers. The one thing to note is asking one set of questions to college students at the beginning of their sex lives is different from asking people in their late 20’s or 30’s etc. Studies assume a sample of people applies to many, but it’s not that cut and dry. I’ve met many college age adults who don’t know much about sex. I’ve had many clients who follow patterns explained in my answer to question one.
3. If you do agree with the study’s findings do you think that a study of similar experiences and behavior in men would look quite different in its results?
I demarcate four basic categories of the vast majority of heterosexual men:
1. The majority category who are largely ignorant of female sexual response and are there to have fun for them, but will learn to a certain degree when it’s indicated that improvements must be made for sex to continue.
2. Men who are aroused by a woman in a state of high-quality sex and orgasms, are motivated to learn and master sex skill sets, and continue to pursue that throughout their lives.
3. Men who are there for themselves, are antagonistic to making changes and improvements, and controlled by traditional male ego at its worst.
4. The sweet-making-love romantic men who are more docile in relationships.
All of these categories should be studied separately for the results to have any accuracy, in my opinion, because each type views sex differently. Not to mention smaller categories like fetish and dominance and submission. I believe that one of the biggest problems with scientific studies of sex is the cross-sections are not specific enough. What may be 60%-40% with the whole group may actually be a murky average that doesn’t apply to a given category at all.
4. If you do agree with the study’s findings what are some of the bio-psycho-social reasons for this tendency for women to experience greater sexual satisfaction with a partner they know well or when in a committed relationship?
I agree and disagree. Yes, the trend is there due to heterosexual women’s nature and social conditioning to feel a default need to settle down with one male. One big reason for that is safety. When you find a stable sexually capable man, you don’t have to worry about sexually and relationally inept partners anymore nor stress about men who may be hot, but are not stable; or worse may be dangerous. All those concerns are history when she chooses one guy, so it’s a big load off. That makes orgasms easier to have.
Also, there’s the chemistry issue. When a woman craves the way a man smells, that’s the bio-match for healthy baby making; as opposed to not liking his smell. If you like his smell, he’s hot, he’s not dangerous, it all makes a package she has easier orgasms with and motivated to go long term. That said, there are women who crave having different men in their stable.
Not to mention non-monogamous relationships where a woman chooses a primary partner but has sexual access to others. Studies like these show trends in a given group of individuals that doesn’t apply to all of adult humanity. In this case, college-age adults. Some may be “wild” and have access to (that’s important to note) unconventional sex, but most follow what I call, “the conservatism of youth” meaning I have found many college age women who follow standardized sex norms than women in their mid to later 20’s and early 30’s.
A maturity and worldliness can come with those time frames that is quite different from early 20’s / late teens women. Women in their mid to late 20’s are different because they often come to a point where they question what they had been told by the collective culture throughout growing up and going to college. They decide to go out and understand sex and their bodies on their own steam and not rely on what info comes down the grapevine because they have been burned or disenfranchised by that second hand/traditional info.
These sex categories and sub-categories are one reason why I do not work with large groups or hold seminars. Like I said, private coaching and consultation gives you the most success and gets you there faster because it’s tailored to you.