Valentine’s, Real Passion or Acting, and Wanting The Best

valentines day happy coupleI was in the car listening to a morning radio show and the woman disk jockey said:

“Women want to know you’re thinking of them– that you care. The perfection of the gifts you give aren’t as important as that. However, getting her baseball cards and converting them to a gift for yourself later is the opposite of a good idea.” That was the next topic in the on-air conversation.

Little truth-moments like that slip out of the collective culture now and then that reveal how things are for many of us. Valentine’s Day can take two forms. The widely-publicized form is the new lovers all over each other with red hearts and flowers a-blaze. The form the disk jockey was referring to was the long-term relationships where women are satisfied when they know their partner values them. Hot sex, being crazy about each other… wasn’t mentioned in that second form. Just the fact that he remembered to get you a decent gift. That’s pathetic. It’s a shared sex life and love life wasted. A long-term relationship can be better than that. It can be a lot better for men as well as women.

First, let’s talk about how to create passion. There are a number of professionals and authors who promise to return passion to relationships or show you how to let go of being uptight; to gain a hot erotic state of being– the confidence and love of great sex. It must be said that most instruction boils down to acting lessons. Acting because there is no engine put in place to ignite the passion naturally. Fake-it-till-you-make-it can help, but plays a small role.

A better teacher is something that draws some level of passion out of you uncontrollably. There’s a reason why people scream and hold on tight on a roller coaster. They even offer to sell you a pic of you going down the big hill. It brings out spontaneous passion. It’s not sexual, but it is passion– you’re swept into the excitement and intensity of what’s happening to you.

So, what is the roller coaster in bed? What is the engine for passion? Besides sexual attractiveness, (whose power can fade with time) high-quality sexual capabilities that get better and better is the engine. The big transformations that occur in my clients are not based solely on acting hotter. They get the roller coaster installed first. Bake the cake and then add the frosting and decorations. After all, a proper cake is the combination of two or more wonderful things: cake and frosting. Each can be loved by itself, but the combination is even greater.

Now, about wanting the best. If I was to describe the majority of my client base, I would say they want to be good at sex because not only do they have a drive to be great at everything they deeply love doing in life, but they also can imagine the potential of what they’re missing– the great material they don’t know about yet.

Speaking of motivation for greatness, I went to Las Vegas recently and saw David Copperfield’s show at the MGM Grand. He said to the audience something I tell people all the time. Paraphrased:

“If you want to do something really cool, you must have devotion to its creation. You must go further than anyone else understands is necessary and believes is possible.”

That’s exactly what I set out to do with my sex life and then bring what I do to you. There are many ways to make the world a better place. I got a thank you note recently from a new couple-client (names changed):
“Tristan and I doing so much better and are putting everything you taught us into practice. Thank you for your amazing work!”


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