How Great Sex Can Free You, Not Imprison You.

Married to the Mob logoI was walking down in SoHo in NYC yesterday and saw a sticker slapped haphazzardly in true New York-style on the side of a mailbox that said:

Good Dcik Will Imprison You!

In small print at the bottom was the Married To The Mob reality show label. I went looking when I got home and found this blog post by Tabitha McGurr commenting on the same thing. Tabitha raises a good question, from a woman’s perspective: Why can’t a man who is hot, in whatever way (penis size, sexual abilities and comfort levels etc.), too often be, as she puts it, “totally emotionally unavailable, completely retarded, an overall asshole, or just all of the above?”

A relationship with a mobster is the perfect example of a man with all the hot, advantageous personality traits (sometimes looks and sexual capabilities/endowments) that life path often provides and teaches those that choose it. The “bad guy”. I’ve written and spoken on the bad guy-good guy thing before. Our Collective/Culture is more responsible for making this split than the men themselves. Some great aspects of strong male sexuality, even if it is given more leash than female sexuality, is still demonized, but also, the tools a “bad guy” needs to walk his path are ones the “good guy” is not so much barred from, but rather is never taught or reinforced.

That said, organized crime lifestyles are an extreme example. A much more common example is the athelete. The jock. Successful sports star or player. Most sports require to one extent or another, aggression and drive. The sport itself, as well as the other players or participants, will cause a man to pick up traits that many women on a gut/animal level are sexually attracted to. We also know that the athelete’s environment can become so charged with masculine display and chauvinism that terrible treatment of women results ranging from verbal misogyny rife with ignorance of the intricacies of female sexuality and what it means to be a woman in the world on up to sex crimes against women at rowdy parties or rapes that get national attention. There are also many athletes who live in that circle, but choose not to go to dark and abusive places.

I find that those men are brought up with better treatment of women and girls from the start and then make the conscious decision on top of that to not do damaging things. To not be easily-programmable robots of their environment. These are the hot men that women should prioritize, but it’s too often not possible to know who you’re dealing with till later, and, desire leads people to make bad decisions every day.

The same things can all be said of women toward men, but in different catagories:

Good Pssuy Will Imprison You!

Whether the person is male or female, if they use their high-level sexual desirability and/or capability for insensitive to unethical motivations and/or have a lack of humanity and caring, sexual relationships with these individuals will feel like prison. You want it, but there’s a price to be paid and you would rather not lose the sex than take on someone who is kind and healthy to be around, but sexually boring.

Sex lives don’t have to be this way. Our Collective/societal surroundings as well as human motives influence us all, but unlike animals, people have the power to make our worlds as we want them. My sex life coaching has as a goal this very aim. To have that incredible sex in a healthy sustainable lifestyle. A lifestyle that frees you from social currents and programming that is and always will be disruptive or destructive.

Shifting the subject a bit, the Collective, as I call it, is defended by people all the time in different ways. Even when those same people are getting the shaft… in a bad way. You must be discerning of the Collective. Observe its flaws and do not cower from making decisions that will get you past those obstacles. I mean, the fact that a person can view a problem as a problem and not ” just the way things are” is a big first step. This isn’t just in a sex category. It extends throughout everything. Racism is of the Collective and we humans have done much to cut down those weeds’ influence of our lives. The reason why we’ve come so far is the destruction wrought by racism is much easier to feel– to see. Poor treatment of human sexuality can be more complicated and subtle. I think of that every time I see the poster listing the things that someone cannot be denied a job for in this country by law. It lists gender and sexual orientation, but it doesn’t say anything about sexual practice.

Back from an important tangent, sex life coaching gives people the hot desirable sex life they without the expected drawbacks. The understanding of what he or she was or wasn’t doing; doing enough or too much that once you’re aware of and get some practice with, gives my clients that dream. I’ve been part of the same conversation at parties for years about subjects like these and while you can’t impact emotional availability in most people, you can impact sexual capability and mastery in those who are emotionally available. That’s what I do every day and why  I love doing it.

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