Sex Life Coaching Can Solve Porn Attachment in Relationships


Porn addiction affecting relationshipsSometimes I work with clients who are coming to me with relationships where porn has become an issue in their sex lives. They want to know if sex life coaching can eliminate porn or integrate it at a reasonable level. While it’s true that one needs help from a psychologist when dealing with severe porn addiction, my brand of sex life coaching can resolve the most common forms of porn attachment, as I call it.

Wives and girlfriends can be impacted, most commonly, in several ways:

1. They often feel they aren’t getting the sexual attention they deserve and want when their husbands or boyfriends are choosing to masturbate to porn and then feel less interest in having sex in real time.

2. Women are sometimes pained by their partners looking at other women, particularly when those women are simply much more sexually attractive (and/or sexually capable/interested in sex) than they are at present.

3. If she decides to do the same and indulge herself in porn that she likes, then it can separate the two of them even more. Once in a while you hear of women beginning a porn attachment as well. I start with a basic principle that applies to people with porn attachments who are in relationships:

The capability to share in real-life, sophisticated, great sex is much hotter and captivating than the sex depicted in the most common forms of mass-marketed porn.

When I reached the legal age where explicit porn was plentiful, I went through a stage where watching it was extremely mentally arousing. I couldn’t wait to get up up the next day to see more. This is common more so for young men, but happens to more young women than you’d think, depending on if she can get porn that clicks for her. To compare porn to the quality of sex I was having at that time, you’d have no trouble making a distinction that the porn was hotter.

However, once I was learning more about and creating my own paths to strong sexual skills like how to contribute to bigger female orgasms (and my own), hotter more comfortable positions, more elaborate combinations of sexual pleasure for my partner and myself, the more I saw through 95% of porn and it’s lower quality content.  The better at sex I became, the more most porn changed for me. I eventually found myself quietly criticizing the sex that was depicted. Watching basic intercourse wasn’t enough as it was in the past. I would think:

“Why aren’t they doing <insert sexual skill here> too during sex? It would be so much better!”

“Why aren’t they doing what it takes for her to have her orgasm too? I want to see that.”

“Here we go again! She finally starts getting clitoral stimulation and it’s working for her, but they stop that and go back to fcuking! He comes but she does not or fakes it.”

Those are just three common examples. The list goes on and on. You could say I was the proverbial man who knew too much, but about good sex instead of conspiratorial intrigue. Occasionally, I’d find a piece that was real and well-done, well-filmed, but they were a handful. And, sometimes I drew inspiration from that handful. I wanted to do that for real. I saw how the vast majority of porn directors and producers did not care about depicting the real thing that was mutually orgasmic for her and him.

Most directors didn’t care about what they call becoming-a-fly-on-the-wall-to-capture-some-of-the-very-best of-human sexual capability. Alternately, they didn’t know how to create that moment because they themselves don’t know enough about quality sex. Or, they were appealing to the lowest common denominator to maximize profits– all of these things.

I’ve told clients that the best of what they’re learning from my sex life coaching has rarely to never been depicted in adult video. Even if it was, can you get the right camera angle that’s hot enough? Does the viewer understand what’s happening even if you show it? My point on camera angle is a major one. You can’t depict something that the viewer doesn’t have a good enough view of in standardized adult video. Understandable, but too many people are utilizing porn for sex education. Porn is entertainment and turn-on material. Don’t go to standard adult video to find out how to have better sex. It’s like watching  an action movie so you can learn how to fight for real.

l’ll say it again: When I saw how much better my sex was in real life, porn took a backseat. The strong attachment for adult video, the choosing porn over my sex partner, never developed in me. My sex life coaching has guided clients with porn attachments in the direction where real incredible sex takes the place of adult video.

It must also be said that I had an awareness that I did not want to live my sex life out of porn alone. Moreover, I wanted to know if the more exotic forms of sex I saw that were hot to watch, but not so well done, could be done in real life in a way where most women loved to do them too. I work with many clients, female and male, who see something hot in porn and want to know how to do it in a form that feels good– not just for show.

I very often say to men, “If you want to do certain things with her, you have to have the sexual skills to make it so that she loves it, or learns to love it, wants it too, or at least doesn’t dislike giving you what you love in bed (or wherever).” That last part: …doesn’t dislikes giving you what you love, I teach men to do for her as well.

The ability to do something like the best anal sex for women (a very common object of desire and sexual ignorance) requires something very important: knowing what the two of you are doing. Yeah, you’ll get lucky sometimes due to coincidental circumstances and it works to great effect, or according to what you think is good at that time. However, too often you won’t know how to get back there or stumble over too many failures in the attempt. That brings me to another point indirectly related to this topic:

Once you have stronger sexual skills, they grant you the power to replicate very successful sexual exchanges as well as create brand new ones.

This effect is what solidified my interest in my real-life sex life over my porn and solo sex one. Porn has a habit of making things hotter because the woman is being more defiled or debased etc. What isn’t changing is what they’re actually doing to create pleasure or spectacle. Once I and my partners could consistently bring incredible sex into being, I always choose real sex over porn. It was a no-brainer. A motivator to be with women rocking the night away, as they say, not locked away in a solo world.

Let’s go back to the other topics I mentioned.

First, …the strong mental erotic buttons that are pushed by watching the hottest bodies and beautiful women having sex and doing particular sexual acts. Here’s something you’ve probably not heard: the women’s looks are often secondary to watching the physical sex that these men do not have access to in real life. The movie Deep Throat proved this. The depiction of the act and the fantasy of doing it (or other forms of high quality fellatio) is what they watched for. This is confusing because porn can be overly basic to a fault, but there are exceptions. Sophisticated sex is so difficult to come by for the majority of us that we use porn to watch what we don’t have access to. I say, be inspired, then learn the real skills that give access to it; and then to the things that you don’t know are possible.

Another reason for porn attachment: the porn startlet’s foundational sexual abilities are good. It can be something simple like how she uses her voice, her hot talk, how hot her facial expressions are, how she honestly loves giving a blowjob to a hot man, and knows pretty well how to ride a hard penis. Like I said, so many men have a strong and natural urge to watch those skills in action. Many times they want those things in their sex lives. Many women feel the same way about viewing quality porn too and want the things they see. Women are only human too. Then feel, as men do, a slight pang of sadness from the belief that what they love to watch isn’t available.

The first goal in my brand of sex life coaching is to give people the tools to have the sex they want. After that, the next goal is giving people what they didn’t know was possible. In other words, building on what they learn to then create more elaborate and better sex dishes, as I call them. Adult video can be a door to hot things you may never see or do at all as well, which I think is also of benefit. What can also happen is porn can be watched with your partner. Before or during sex. After sex too to rev things up for the next round. Adult video can become a great tool and no longer a threat.

One final point: when a woman knows the sex she’s having with her man is awesome and preferred by them both over video, that lifts a big weight from her shoulders and is a great step to getting the two of them closer as well as maximizing the quality of their sex life together.

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