Judging Sexual Skills vs Supportive Sex Skills Development


Getting past the fear and habits of judging your own or your partner’s sex skills.

One of the first things people run into in their sex life is a partner’s lack of sexual skills, to one degree or another, when their sex skills are not up to par for their partners, and finally when your sex skills need betterment for your solo sexuality. The toughest of these are when those we have sex with “judge” us. It doesn’t have to be that way.

When you get specific about it, judging holds a negative connotation. A scolding and or berating implication. You’re being looked down upon when you are judged, is the feeling. However, when you give supportive feedback as part of a couple who shares a common goal of making their sex life better and better, it’s no longer judging. It becomes fruitful collaboration. I would have never become what I am today with regards to my sexual sophistication level if it wasn’t for an excitement for the details of what I could be doing even better for my partner or me.

Sometimes it’s easier said than done. If you’re someone who is easily triggered to anger when short-comings of any kind are addressed in any way, it becomes that much more important to stop, take a breath, remind yourself mentally that you and your partner are in a cooperative sexual relationship. You’re on a team. In a relationship that has patience and caring about one another’s feelings. Know also that positive change comes much harder, if at all, if you don’t have collaboration and communication.

Previous, repetitive life experiences and situations form triggers, but we can eliminate them with more repeat exposure to a nurturing environment plus the determination to let go of the trigger. It can also help to say to the trigger inside you, (which sounds cheesy, but it works) that things are different now and the old trauma is done and replaced with feels-good, healthy approaches. An even better method for change is time within the new environment and those affirmations. Be aware that triggers can stay with you for years if you don’t address them directly.

There’s more to how to work as a team in your sex life. Also in being too hard on yourself. Create something positive and specific in your mind and step-by-step make your way there. Sex life coaching can help both learning how to become a considerate team and then how to make your sexual dreams come true.

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