7 Tips For Retaining Sex Feedback From Your Partner
Your partner is missing a crucial detail pertaining to something your body and/or your mind really enjoys or needs for satisfying sex/orgasm. The two of you are into communicating, so you tell them. They receive the info and in this case, zero in and make fireworks happen. However, the next time, the same mistakes are made. This can be very frustrating and eventually anger-triggering. What to do?
Different things can be creating this issue or a combination of them. The notables are:
1.) Busy Week: People have a lot of things on their plate. A great way to keep track is keep notes in your phone for what you definitely want to remember to do next time. Two things. That’s all. If you know some sex will be happening soon, check your notes for a quick reminder. Repetition is power and so are reminders.
2.) Overwhelming Desire version 1: This happens a lot with men. Their minds are pulled into the hotness they see and are doing with their partner, which is fine, but narrows focus too much. It makes them forget to field the desired skill. One great thing to do is pre-plan to check your list, then find the one thing of the two that’s the most important or hot for your partner. Then, visualize/fantasize doing that to her/him and the hot responses they’ll give you. Which to many of us is erotic and also feels good to know you’re doing a good job. Finally, go do that to them.
3.) Overwhelming Desire version 2: Happens a lot with women, but men also. You want intercourse. Bad. Right now. You skip over the thing(s) you have to remember and go straight there. Your man serving it up orgasms and it’s over (it isn’t in the way I coach sex, but that’s a very common pattern). Give him or her a reminder in a hot spoken way. That will redirect usually. Or, go with the flow, then do the desired thing afterward. Sex does not begin and end at male orgasm.
4.) Not Prioritizing Their Partner’s Desires: It can be a new thing for people to be more conscious of sexual details and sequences when they have just let Nature take its course. This is one of the worst side effects of when people follow the old directive of, “Sex should just come naturally.” Too naturally and it’s all about his orgasm (in the most common case) and hers is left in the dust. However, it was natural! This is a great example of when just plain old natural isn’t good enough. The moment you decide to make your sex life better, you adopt a design mode into how you think about sex. You plan in advance. It’s a new way of doing sex. You’ll come back to naturally, but for now let it go and create something new that incorporates both his and her orgasm.
5.) Not Prioritizing Their Partner’s Desires version 2: It’s a harsh one. The person who is missing the boat just doesn’t care that much about pulling their weight in bed. There can be different reasons for this, but they all boil down to stopping and having a discussion. Some people have yet to develop the ability to become aroused by their partner’s arousal. Some are hyper-focused on their own enjoyment. Or both! Some have ego issues with needing to get new things right the first time and be perfect at them. If they see they can’t do that, they’ll avoid the issue altogether. This is way more common in western culture than I’d like it to be. We are pressured to do so very often at work and school. Let all that go in the bedroom. Work as a team. Certain parts of your sex life will be works in progress and that’s 100% normal. That’s the beauty of it, actually. The process and requirements of some forms of great sex can be intricate enough that they have to evolve over time into their best. This is where sex as an art form emerges as well as the excitement that it’s not just tab A into slot B. There is much more, which is engaging for us adults.
6.) Don’t Honor Their Bodies, So Why Honor Yours: This can take different forms. It can sometimes follow how in shape someone is plus the presence of unhealthy habits the person is, although not always.
7.) Additional Ego Issues and Stonewalling: a.k.a passive (or active) aggressive actions that mean, “Don’t tell me what to do.” The only way to deal with this is see if the two of you are on the same page. You can lead a horse to water, sort of thing. If you aren’t and it isn’t changing anytime soon, I suggest getting apart and finding compatible people. If getting apart isn’t an option, a more serious talk will have to go down. These schisms are what create unhappy marriages and infidelity. My coaching has brought people digging their heels in the sand, or inserting heads therein, along and shown them how much better life and sex is when they let go of their resistance be it from ego or otherwise.
My last piece of advice is a broad one, but potent. We’ve heard it before: eye on the prize. Give it your all and blow them out of the water. Squash laziness (which can be item number 8) and let no b.s. stand in your way. You’d put your life on the line for a soul mate and such, so take some of that determination and stir it into your resolve for a new and powerful sex life.